Choices.......

A new set of leaders has come to my community, or at least, a set of leaders that have been reshuffled, with the old provincial moved out by term limits, and an unexpected man elected to be his successor. The council contains both old and new blood. I find it interesting that many religious communities in the Church have been electing their leadership at least since the middle ages, when societies were still governed by kings who inherited their positions, and by others who won the job on the battlefield. Of course, some monasteries were hard pressed to not elect one or another noble, but that has never been the case for the rest of us, thanks be to God. Once a leader goes out of office, for us, he returns to the hoi polloi and is as assignable as anyone else. I think that fact tempers our leaders, who know that they may try to be high and mighty during their terms, but that there is a day when they will not be so. And even the "high and mighty" language is foreign to our tradition, where our leaders are to serve, and cannot be called "prior" or "abbot" or any title other than "minister" or "guardian." St. Francis was a wise man.


And so we chose a new man, and a new group of advisors. I, for one, am not sure what is on their minds. I can "profile" their spiritual and psychological character, but I cannot predict their program or concrete ideas of where they will take us, or what they think of any of us and our fitness for this or that job or place of residency.


To their credit, they are not assuming that they know everything. Instead of making new appointments quickly, they are taking their time. Instead of relying of whatever has been gleaned from the past, they are visiting every house, asking to talk to every friar, and asking him questions. There are four questions.  Among them are: how is your house functioning, what should we know about the house and its ministries, what do you think we should know about you personally, and when your present ministry is done, what do you envision yourself doing. In the abstract, I find this whole process to be laudable. It needs doing. Men need to be heard. We need to be listened to with sincerity and honesty. And we need to be led.


But I am also stumped by the last two questions. Taking the last first, I confess that I have no idea what I want to do, where I want to be assigned, after my present assignment. And I don't even know if my unknowingness is a virtuous docility, or a vicious lack of vision. I just don't know.


And what should I tell them about myself? In Catholic tradition there is a wonderfully practical distinction between "inner forum" and "outer forum." In the latter, information may be used and shared and acted upon. In the former - as in confession but also in spiritual direction and spiritual conversations - the information may not be shared, ever. It is secret, private, and what is spoken of cannot ever be acted upon by the listener for any reason, even in the most extreme circumstances. 


The invitation to tell the powers that now be what I wish them to know about me raises interesting issues. I could keep the conversation banal. I could share only what will impress, only what will be to my advantage. Or I can be honest, really honest, about my struggles and fears and hopes and failings. But if I do, such information can be used and acted upon.


So I do not know, right now, what I will do. And I probably will not know until I do it, when my time slot opens, and I sit down and talk. What a choice! On the other hand, praise God for listening ears, for the ability to speak, for leadership that appears to care, and for a mission for Christ to the Order and the world.